cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
