someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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