I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
