I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
