Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
