babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
