I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
