I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
