All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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