My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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