He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
