apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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