Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
