i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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