Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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