hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
