just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize