Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
