I need help removing her.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
