I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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