I want to stick my p in your. b.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
