We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No subtext here. People are naked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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