Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That accounts for only three of the penises
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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