i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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