it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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