when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
