If that was your dad, he is hot
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
