Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
