His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
