You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
