Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
