My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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