I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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