What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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