it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
40s are totally the cure
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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