I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
