When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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