so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
