There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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