now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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