Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
