hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
