it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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