I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
