I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
