I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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