No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
