You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Found the puke drawer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
