You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
