I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
